This is another story about a married woman. Not the one I fucked last week. This one is new… and she’s local.
I picked her up about three weeks ago. I approached her one afternoon when I was out with my wings. And she stopped, and gave me a big smile. And then… I ran pretty bad game. I asked three dumb questions in a row. And I knew it was lame game, so I let her go before she even flinched. I told her it was nice to meet her, she knew our interaction was over, she smiled… and she walked away from me.
I stood there for a minute, frozen in place as she walked off, contemplating my lack of skill in set with her. I have a lot of experience… and I have had a lot of success… but I still run pretty bad game often enough.
But… a week later I was out on the street. I passed by a young girl, and I didn’t take that much notice…other than the fact she IOI’d me. I ran back around and opened her. I was just starting to say “I noticed you back there and…,” and she had a familiar look in her eyes, and I said… “we’ve met before, haven’t we?” Her face was all lit up. She was attracted. It was then that I knew I had stopped her before…
“Oh, I remember… red dress, right?” She smiled and nodded.
As we stood there chatting, I caught a flash of gold on her ring finger. I hadn’t noticed it the first time I stopped her. “I just noticed your ring,” I said, “Are your married?” She said she was, and that she tried to get me to notice the ring the first time I stopped her. She was flirty and “on” as she said all this.
She very young, 23. She’s Chinese and her husband is Italian. They live together… here in my city. No, he doesn’t travel much. I know this because I asked (part of how I screen married women for sexual opportunity).
I would normally walk away from a girl like this… too complicated. But I had just had a really great instant-date the night before (with a Korean tourist… she was crazy hot, super beautiful girl). With that other idate in mind, I was curious to know if this girl would have a drink with me. She seemed very attracted. I asked. She said, “yeah, sure.”
So we had a drink.
She’s super smart. That might be the thing that is most true about her. She is a bit bossy. She moves fast. She interrupts a lot. She’s from China, but did University here, and you can really feel the “Western Girl” quality to her… that is obviously not what I like about her.
Let’s give her a name… let’s call her Smart Girl.
Beneath all that… she’s very attractive to a man like me. Round face, nice lips, and long, truly beautiful, raven-black hair. And the vibe between us… very good.
It was odd to date her… different than any other date I’ve had in months. It wasn’t because she is married (in general, that changes very little for me when I am attracted to a girl)… this was different… as I know her husband lives in this city, and that fact had an impact on what I was willing to do publicly.
When I think of dating girls that have boyfriends or husbands in the vicinity, I take almost all my cues here from Krauser:
“I tried to kiss her on the park bench but she wasn’t having it, saying there were too many people watching. It was a reckless move.”
“…I reminded myself of the secret society rules: don’t do anything in public that the girl can’t easily deny if caught.”
— Krauser, from Adventure Sex
That ^ is a good example of what was on my mind as I had my first date with her.
And that is good advice. And a proper skill to practice if you want to play with this kind of “fire.”
So I didn’t escalate with her. I didn’t touch her much at all. I don’t give a shit about “plausible deniability” in terms of what she thinks. I’m very direct. But in terms of what someone might see… this was the chance for me to practice “plausible deniability” where it really counts.
I like her. I want to see her. And I want every girl that is with me to “have a good experience.” So that means I need to take care of her reputation. I need to keep my sexuality off of her as far as the public is concerned. I need to get her alone if I want more (and I do… and that would have to come later).
It was a great date. Afterwards, I walked her toward the train, and stopped her to take her WeChat so we might continue the budding relationship… maybe see each other again.
She gave me her contact info and accepted my WeChat request as we said goodbye. I was pleased with myself, but I wondered if I was “supposed to” have taken her home right then and there??
I was having a good week. I’d had a date or two, my daygame streak (approaching every day, for weeks) was in full effect, so I wasn’t overly needy about her. I was intentionally planning on giving her space, not to play games with her… but more so that I would not “crush the sparrow”… and also so she would know I can show “restraint” even though we had obvious chemistry.
I wanted her to see my careful side. I think I did that well.
I messaged her a few days later:
NASH: SMART GIRL
NASH: Hey… Happy Thu.
NASH: [I quoted something specific she said]
NASH: I am near that place you talked about…
NASH: Reminded me of you
And then… nothing happened. She didn’t reply. I wasn’t too concerned. The situation was complicated. I noticed her lack of response… but barely, as I didn’t expect much.
Then… three more days later:
SMART GIRL: I was betting you were one of those guys who follow the three days rule
Hmmm. That’s ^ an interesting response. Traditional Chinese girls don’t often cite “Cosmopolitan-esque” dating tactics. Her ability to quote that reference shows some of what she knows of American culture. Her saying it… shows you something of her style. She’s abrupt. Rather direct herself. She not afraid to push a line like that at me, to see how I’ll react.
NASH: Oh… Is that a rule???
I played it coy.
NASH: Actually, I wanted to message you right away…
NASH: But there is something about you that makes me a little shy. : ]
SMART GIRL: Sure! Let’s just go with that
We had started the dance.
I immediately asked her out again, and she ignored it, and was throwing random questions at me… trying to lead me around. Her mom is strong and successful, and is a big influence on her. She is the type of girl that will try to set the frame, every time… every instant.
SMART GIRL: Why do you like using “…” so much?
This ^ was her response to my date request.
She is right… if you read this blog… you know that I use “…” a lot. But my punctuation isn’t really the point. What she is doing is leading. She is testing. She is stealing the frame. This is central to who she is, how she works in the world… and I’m quite certain she runs her husband around.
She is very smart, and her English is strong, so I can bring more “intellectual power” to the seduction than I would with the more passive, sweet, nice girls I usually date. I actually prefer those sweet girls, but this one has some visceral appeal, and I started to use my own smarts to knock her frames back at her.
NASH: “…” is where I indicate all the profound thoughts swirling around inside my head.
NASH: And I can see you are very curious about me…
NASH: I like it. : ]
This ^ is me stealing the frame back. I say, “Let’s date.” She changes the frame to, “explain your punctuation.” I transition off of that to, “you’re very interested in me.”
This is what this girl needs, I’m sure of it. She might not be worth the effort (we shall see), but I am of the mind that this girl would love to be “well handled” by a strong, smart man that is quick on his feet.
Actually… “to be ‘well handled’ by a strong, smart man”… is what all girls want.
I did get her out for a second drink. It was a couple of Wednesdays ago. I invited her out for that Thursday, but she said she was busy… and asked “are you free today?”
The odd part was… I had a date that Wednesday afternoon with yet another hot girl that has a BF. We’ll call that girl Miss Shoes.
I dated Miss Shoes, near my house that day. She wouldn’t come into my place… she likes me, but she knows I’m trouble.
As I can’t get her alone… and I can’t touch her public… I have been basically verbally explicit with Miss Shoes. On this date, we sat across from each other at the cafe, and I told her I thought she was hot, and I wanted her to “come meet my cats.” She said she wants to be loyal to her BF (she doesn’t live with him), and that she knows I’m dangerous. We left it at that.
It is not my goal to seduce girls away from their partners. I’m not trying to target girls that are attached at all… however… I respect this aspect of my education. Girls fooling around on the side is a big slice of the Secret Society. I intend to be well educated in mating/dating, so I study as best as I am able.
If you know where to look… there are hot moments in the shadows of the sexual marketplace. And I am enjoying the practice… and the insight into these girls lives and minds as I tempt them to play with me. This is a precious education.
Miss Shoes left after a while… and sent me a hot pic of her legs as she got a pedicure that afternoon. She may want to remain loyal to her BF, and she is saying “no,” but she is tempting me at the same time. She knows I will fuck her if I can. So far, she has been careful not to be alone with me… but she has come to my neighborhood twice to date me. We’ll see.
As Miss Shoes is clever enough to know what I want, and wise enough to not be alone with me (until that is also what she wants)… I ended that date and went downtown.
And this 2nd date with Smart Girl was yet another good time. A drink at a hotel bar (my first time there, more “exploring my territory”). Sitting next to each on a very comfortable couch. Talking about her wanting to kiss other girls. I didn’t touch her much at all, but we were close and the vibe was sexy. She is a fun and exciting young, little thing.
I was curious to know if I could take her back to my place… and I asked when she needed to be home. She said, “now.” She stood up. She was a little bit serious about it. She is 23 years old and flirting with the circumstances of an affair with a man twice her age… who knows how many times she has done something like this, but that’s serious work.
She wasn’t coming home with me on this particular evening, so I said, “okay.” And I didn’t even stand up. I just stared at her. And she stared back. Half over-confident. Half-interested. Definitely attracted.
And she said, “you’re going to stay?” I said, “yeah.” She said, “now you’re meeting the next one?” I said, “Yeah… hot Tinder date,” and I smiled. She smiled too. Half amused. Half… maybe jealous?
I didn’t have another date. I wasn’t really trying to make her believe that… as it was bullshit, and I think she knew it… but it was a fun game to play.
But I had had two dates that day… and I took a minute to soak in my life. And I liked this Smart Girl, quite a bit. I sat still, deep in thought about this girl, about what I wanted, about what to do next.
As I walked toward the train to head to the gym I had this thought:
“Okay… so with BOTH those girls [Smart Girl and Miss Shoes]… I know I need to move things along. I have maybe one more date with each of them to make something sexual happen… or the tension will fizzle.”
I knew I would be the man that can “get it done,” or I would be one of the lessor men… whom no one can remember… because they can’t get it done. I have tremendous respect for all my brothers in the game… winning or losing (and I have done plenty of both)… but I know what kind of man I want to be.
“When you’re interacting with a woman you’re never stationary… you’re only doing one of two things, you’re moving closer to sex, or you’re moving farther away… every decision you make and every minute that elapses when you’re spending time with a woman is either bringing you closer to sex, or father away.”
“If you’re not moving the interaction towards sex, then it’s probably moving away from it… and she’s putting you in a different category.”
— Paul Janka
I am trying to learn from men who know ^, and this seemed like an occasion where a quote like what Janka is saying here might apply. I needed to make something happen, and relatively fast… or like over-ripe fruit, my moment with these girls would expire.
The next morning I pinged her via WeChat. We had some banter that was so excellent, it deserves it’s own post. I did a great job.
I am convinced that our best game comes when the girl likes us. So, maybe your game is like a “C+” level on average. And some girl likes you. And your game suddenly transforms into “B+” level game. I see this in my seductions all the time (even in my approaches). When she likes me… the best lines I’ve ever said come out of my mouth. And my work with controlling the frame with this one… was really nice.
If I get to fuck this girl… that post… will just be the banter from her/I this week. I hope I get to write that post.
Anyway, after the banter, I sent her this via WeChat:
NASH: I know we can sometimes find time for a drink afterwork
NASH: Do you ever have free time on weekends?
NASH: Maybe during the day?
What I was trying to do here ^ was get her to tell me how to seduce her. I know her domestic situation is complicated. We have no agreement that we will hook up (it’s early in the seduction), so I am testing the waters about sex… and I am also indirectly asking her to tell me how to get around her schedule with her husband.
If she has to be home relatively quickly after work, I would have to find the best time to see her… could it be lunch? Maybe she can see me early AM, go into work a little late? Or maybe weekends? Could I get her to tell me what my best options were? Could I do that more smoothly than by saying “when can we fuck??”
And she responded with:
SMART GIRL: Only if your cats have free time on weekends too : )
Okay, she is pretty much in. My cats are charming… but let’s assume she wants more than feline attention.
We went back and forth as I tried to set up the date. I explicitly asked her to have coffee with me in my neighborhood… thinking I could bounce her to my house from there. If she wants adventure sex with me… then I just need to protect her reputation (“don’t do anything in public”), isolate her, and escalate. That was my plan.
She dodged two attempts in a row to get her out on a 3rd date. I could feel that we had solid sexual chemistry between us. I had done a decent job of setting up a scenario where we could be isolated and out of the public eye. But she wasn’t helping me close the deal. I had done my job… and now I had to back off… or risk moving into “Bottom Guy” territory by “pushing against resistance.”
This was Friday morning. And I remember feeling interested, excited, a little frustrated, and teeth-gnashingly close to creating something sexual with her. I felt like a caged bear.
She and I left off on a thread about what kind of kisser she was, and I dropped it there… I let her have the last comment and I didn’t come back. I wanted her to feel me walk away… I’m quite sure she knew what she was doing by not committing to this third date. And I didn’t want to “cooperate” with her dodging the next steps between us. I let her be.
I had all this energy. I wanted to do more. But sometimes the move is doing nothing more at all. It was a bitter feeling. But that’s what I did… I moved on with my day.
I did some daygame that day before a date with a different girl (with a super lovely Chinese tourist). Having a date that night distracted me from Smart Girl and I was grateful for it. Spinning plates is a lot of work, but it’s a successful strategy to find some emotional-/sexual diversification AND (maybe more importantly) keep you free from “oneitis” with a given girl.
After a few sets of daygame to continue my daygame streak, I met the tourist, and took her on a great date. As the tourist and I ate dinner that night, I got this message:
SMART GIRL: Sunday then?
Ahhh, she came back after all.
I was happy about it, of course. I like her. And she turns me on. But seeing her come back on her own… seeing her reopen the thread about the date… seeing her finally agree after dodging it twice… more so, she was suggesting the specific day… all of this was a kind of proof she was into it.
In the land of “Maybe,” we can never be certain of much… but the signs were giving me indications that I was on the right path.
So today was Sunday. The date on Friday with the tourist was a such a fantastic date, that I got the usual wave of “emotions” that stuck with me for a couple of days after. As I woke up this morning, that “love drunk” state had passed somewhat, and I was focused on the potential of Smart Girl.
I pinged her about 20 minutes before the time we had agreed to meet and she said she was on her way.
We met at my coffee place. She looked… pretty hot. I ordered a tea and she didn’t want anything. I made her sit with me in the cafe for a bit, and she had to use the bathroom. That place has an unusual bathroom situation, and she didn’t like it, and I offered to take her back to my place (three minutes away) and… she agreed.
And just like that… I had the second married woman in a one week in my apartment.
She loved the cats. And she was getting cat hair all over her clothes and I was already thinking that she might have to explain that later. The cat hair was evidence and I felt like we were already “taking risks.”
And she was a bit of a pain in the ass… I would try to lead her around and she is not the best follower. I know the frame battle with her is important.
At one point she told me to get her some water. And I just pointed to the kitchen and calmly stared at her. It was a kind of standoff where she expected me to do it for her… and I won again, and she walked back to the kitchen. I opened the cabinet and pointed to a glass.
This girl is constantly testing me… and for the benefit of her and me both, I want to hold frame and lead us someplace glorious. I am in no hurry to have any kind of “tussle” with her, but I feel certain that if I let my frame collapse she will walk over me as she walks out the door… nothing glorious about that.
I hadn’t really touched her yet (nor on either of the dates, as they were in public). And I hadn’t made a move yet in my place. So she confronted me:
She asked me, “what do you want from me?” And I told her… “you’re a hot girl, you’re very smart, I want to eat you, and I want to spend time with you, it’s all that.” I moved toward her and she sat back putting her legs between she and I (good defense)… and she smiled.
This ^ was a good moment, as we were explicit. I didn’t need to do this verbally with her. I had no plans to “talk” about sex (Yohami has mostly broken me of that bad habit), I was very happy to simply physically escalate as soon as I had her in the right position… but she had called me out. And I see talking about it as a way of “agreeing to the rules of the game,” as Sundance likes to say (and he gets that from Captain Jack).
I got her to stand up a minute later and I went in for the kiss. She almost took it, and then pulled away. No big emotional reaction… only a mild rejection of it. I rolled off and we kept flirting.
She walked into my living room and threw herself down on the couch… all laid out. It was a provocative move.
I was on my way to get a book she was interested in, but I turned back, climbed on top of her, pinned her arms down and went toward the kiss again… but I didn’t fully commit. I expected her to pull away so I got close and then just held that position. She was still a “no,” but the domination worked a little and she was obviously a little more into it.
And I said, “you almost took it that time,” narrating the scene (which I like to do). And she agreed, and then had a conflicted look on her face, and she said, “I’m not sure how into you I am physically.” And she meant it. That teasing-smart quality was absent from her face. I said, “okay,” and stared a bit more.
This was THE make/break moment in the date, as I see it now.
Then she said something about me being “hurt” that she wasn’t into me in that way. And I told her that I wasn’t hurt. I said I was “vulnerable,” to some degree, and that was true. And I told her that I’m not at all into getting her to do things she doesn’t want to do. It’s my job, I said, to get her to do things she DOES want to do. She lit up a little bit.
And I was affected by her comment about not being that “physically” into me. I have heard stuff like that before and in similar situations. In general, I’m not sure about the “realness” of a comment like that? If she wasn’t into me… why was she in my place? Was saying that another test? I don’t know.
But I was being solid here. And the words about getting her to do the “things she DOES want to do” was part of the birdsong… verbal charm to move us through these sticky spots in the seduction. It seemed to be working.
And then I did something I’ve never done before… I said:
NASH: Hey, I’m not wounded by you saying you’re not sure how into me you are physically…
NASH: We both know this “goes someplace”… or we both get bored… and I’m glad to have tested you today.
NASH: I want you to feel my desire… and I think you do. But there is also this…
NASH: Don’t ever make a comment like that to me again.
I was solid and serious about it. We stared at each other for a long second. And it had an impact on both of us.
I told her that I’m not worried about her not liking me. She does, or she does not. And I told that part of why I’m not worried about that is because “I know other women,” and I’m sure she believes that.
But, I said, “cool guys don’t spend time with girls that give them that kind of feedback.” So, I said she could stay, and we could get to know each other, fool around… all that. I told her I wanted that. But I didn’t ever want to hear her say anything like that again. She doesn’t have to see me. But if we’re going to spend time together… it’s about celebrating what we like about each other.
“I’m too cool,” I said, “to hang out with girls that don’t want to be with me.”
That was quite a speech. I don’t know exactly where it came from… but I said it, on the fly, when I needed to. And it also seemed to work.
More importantly… I believed every word I said.
I can’t be certain she would agree, but I felt like that was the moment she surrendered to the idea of fucking me.
She shifted gears and started laying out ground rules for what it might be like if saw more of each other. No “sexting” her, she said, she doesn’t want her husband to see. And I told her that I’m not trying to take her out in public, as I don’t want to damage her relationship. I told her I want her, I want to get her naked and do things to her, but that we can do this in such a way that it never takes away from her and her husband.
And then she said…
SMART GIRL: You know, I’ve only ever had sex with one guy
I’m not certain why she said it… I assume she was sort of thinking out loud as the seriousness between us increased.
And the look on her face was suddenly the softest I’ve ever seen. This smart, demanding, bossy girl was actually vulnerable with me. No games. The “smart talk” was gone.
I clarified it and said, “you’ve fooled around a lot… but only had proper sex with your husband.” She agreed. And her more complicated/edgy self was back again on her face, as she said she’d done “everything” with several guys, except fuck them, and gave me a big, confident smile.
All of this reminds me of another married girl, Miss Shanghai, from years ago. I had her in my house back in 2014 (before I knew much about game), I didn’t make a move of any kind that day… and I hated myself for it.
I got her back in my house two years later, made a move on her, and she didn’t like it at all. She left almost immediately… but that was an important step for me. When I reviewed my pledge of “200 in the Fall” on this blog, I pointed to that moment as a serious highlight of the year’s adventures. I’d pushed the issue, finally. It wasn’t good game (it was a clumsy, amateurish escalation), but it was a baby step in the right direction… at least I didn’t hide my dick.
I may have been less-than-smart about how I did it, and she rejected hooking up with me… but the “unspoken conversation” between she and I was finally spoken.
With Smart Girl (who is very similar to Miss Shanghai, in many ways)… I never let it go “unspoken.” This was THE moment to do it. I’d arranged the set-up very well. I’d made my move. She was not easy. She tested me like crazy. But based on the look on her eyes… I seemed to have done reasonably well.
After my speech on the couch, she said she had to go.
As she was covered in cat hair, I took her into my bedroom to use the lint remover to get the hair off her clothes. I asked if she wanted help… and she smiled and extended her arms so I could run the lint remover all over her body to clean her up. It was sexual. And at a certain point I tossed the lint roller aside, I stepped in, I hooked a strong arm around her waist, I pulled her in and…
I kissed her.
She resisted about 25%… but I got in there. And then… then she really kissed me back. Solid, all in. She put her arms around my neck and pulled me toward her and we properly kissed.
It was awesome. She is a great kisser.
As she was “rejecting me” earlier on the couch, I told her then I like her, that she’s hot, but she hadn’t really “turned me on” yet. I told her it was sexy to have her in my house, but that she hadn’t made my cock hard… and it was true.
But after that kiss, I was turned on. I told her she had gotten me hard after all.
She called herself a car. I walked her down the stairs… kissing her again before she stepped outside. And she was gone.
Hmmmmm. Interesting girl.
She knows I’m 45…. twice her age. And we know she is married. She and I are from very different backgrounds and cultures. It’s complicated… but here she was, fooling around with a daygamer in his apartment on a Sunday afternoon.
And my education gets yet another chapter. She’s a great “sparring partner” in the game of sex and romance. An exciting girl. And yet even more yield from my ongoing harvesting of the streets.
She was also on her period today (or so she said). That means, that in a four/five days, she’ll be post-period and likely more into getting in trouble. She is still hard to date… she does not have a lot of free time. But maybe I can get her back on a weekend? Or… perhaps get a hotel downtown after work???
I have a plan… we’ll see.