Just wrapped up a good date with an interesting little girl. I am working on a longer piece about the last girl I dated in NYC, but I’ll interrupt again to talk about this new girl. Good date.
We’ll call her The Scorpion. That’s dramatic, but assume she earns her name for astrological reasons. Perhaps there is some foreshadowing here, but if so, that’ll be in another post.
I picked her up last week. I had a record day on Wednesday, took seven leads… I think all of which have turned into so much vapor since then. The next day I took two leads, she was one of them.
She was “very well put together.” I could say she “presents herself well.” Those are both flat, but they’re true. She is Asian, maybe only half… I didn’t ask. She has long, beautiful silky-thick hair. Perfect skin, maybe a hint of freckles (think Lucy Liu) spattered across full cheeks. She is more beautiful than cute. She wore an exceptional dress the day we met. It was unusual, high-end, feminine… maybe more feminine than the rest of her. Her walk was sexual, proud, had some power. Those are some of the reasons why I stopped her.
After a bit of back and forth, and before I could get to it, she suggested I take her Facebook. I agreed, and had her add me.
When I left the set, Sundance said he thought that was the longest set he’d ever seen me in. We joked that I could see him walking back and forth behind her as I ran my game (he ran an approach or two while I was with this girl). The conversation wasn’t that long, but it was easy to chat with her, and she gave me a mild “yes” reaction. It seemed pretty on.
She is Chinese. I think she might be American born, but did some part of her schooling in China. She is into being American. I can hear the slightest bits of an accent, but it’s very faint. She went to high school here. And college, at a fairly prestigious university in the area. She is very professional. Has a serious job. She reminds me bit of Business Girl from Tokyo… and that’s not a compliment.
She is confident. I’m interested in low/high self-esteem as a gauge to a woman’s personality. She is high self-esteem.
When I met her, it was the day before her birthday. I have enough experience to know that a woman’s birthday (week) is a shit show, and a new guy should stay out of that fray, and I did. I messaged her that night (which was a Thursday), saying hello:
NASH: Have fun tomorrow… and let’s say hi next week when your “birthday tornado” calms down. : ]
And then I mostly forgot about her. And then on Sunday:
HER: Hello! Thank you, and birthday was very fun!
HER We can grab a drink next week?
Hmmm. So, I properly opened her, and I ran pretty good game. But she suggested the Facebook close at the time. And here she is suggesting the date. What do we know about her based on those facts?
As this date came up today, my reaction was caution. She’s Asian, but not my typical type. And she’s doing a bit of leading here, even though I did my job in terms of a proper, strong approach.
We went back and forth a bit about the date. It was smooth and easy. From her suggestion of a drink, I suggested a great bar in the area. She agreed. She didn’t try to lead. She didn’t try to fuck with the plan. Good.
And then I left her alone for a couple days.
And it’s funny about this ^, because on the date she talked about guys that “text every day.” And that was specifically what I was not. I left her alone during the run-up to the date a couple different times. I had two dates with Miss Thick (I love that girl) in that time period, so maybe that helped keep me from overgaming or looking needy. As she said it, not being clingy via text seemed like part of my appeal.
So today I checked in with her:
NASH: Let’s meet at that art bar after work… Or if you need to go home first, we can do dinner instead.
NASH: I have a plan either way.
HER: Hahaha how fun
I like that “how fun” bit from her. That’s her being girly and cute, nice contrast to her polished business side.
As for dinner, the truth is I had booked a reservation on Monday, after she and I set up the drink date. I wanted to have a 2nd venue lined up… and I love this restaurant. I took Miss Thick there on Saturday. I was looking fwd to the meal, no matter how the date turned out.
And today before the date, YoungGuns and I talked a bit about dinner dates. He pointed out that dinner dates are unpopular with Community guys. I get it. Dinner can be a strong “provider” signal. It can be too “suburban” and boring. It can put a dent in your wallet if you’re trying to date a lot of girls. All true.
But I like dinner dates.
I’m older. My wallet is fine with reasonable dinners, and if you read this blog, you know I take girls to dinner all the time… I have to eat. I’m not the wildest guy in the world, but I have no evidence that I give off a provider vibe. No girl has tried to make me a boyfriend in years (even though I’ve had multiple regulars). Girls know I’m not a typical provider at all, so the dinner gesture doesn’t hurt me in that regard. In fact, if I can sit side by side (which I always do), I can run good game over dinner.
HER: I’ll msg you before I leave my apartment!
She did message me.
She was a couple minutes late, but not bad. She looked hot. When I said “if you need to go home first” as I set up the date, that was actually me intentionally giving her a chance to get out of her work clothes. There was no sex tonight, but if there was… I like the idea that she can clean up after work and “get pretty” for me. In this case, that’s what she did. She showed up freshly showered, in tight jeans and a pink cashmere sweater. Her full lips shiny and kissable. And she gave me a little hug without me asking.
The hostess sat us at the counter, facing the kitchen, side by side. Started chatting. She paid attention, never looked at her phone once, all through dinner. She isn’t overly warm, but I was having a good time.
LA came up, and I said I wasn’t into the “LA look.” And she asked what I meant, and I talked about “status,” but then I said, “I’m not into fake boobs.” That was meant as a bit of a spike and an intro into sexuality, but she quickly said, “I got fake boobs two months ago,” and she laughed.
Ha. Okay. I blushed a bit as I put my foot in my mouth.
And she was cool about it. And we dove into a conversation about “why” and what that meant to her. I have a lot of stories about fake boobs, and I told her about girls I’ve known or dated that have “augmented reality” like she does. And it was cool between us.
I wasn’t completely sure how into her I was at first. I had started out “cautious.” And bringing out her femininity wasn’t super easy, but I made it happen. She had a good time. By the end I liked her.
She told some stories where she was vulnerable. And I liked that she was willing to go there with me. I told her so. I think her willingness to be vulnerable with me is part of her being secure, that she can be real. Another departure from what I had thought might be a dry, corporate girl.
Turns out this girl is into older guys. She asked when I picked her up how old I was, and I said what I often say, “at least 10 years older than you.” And she took that well. And on the date, she hinted again and I let that comment go by. And then she asked more directly. I told her I was 44. I didn’t hesitate or clown around. She held my eye contact. Turns out her last BF was 45. And the one before that was even older. I’m guessing she is 24-27. I don’t think I’m off by much. I said, “you have a thing for older guys” and she agreed. That is certainly fine with me.
I’m not sure about her sexuality. As she was talking about an ex BF, she mentioned affection a lot. And I played with that in contrast to her interest in sexuality, but never really got a good sense of that kind of hunger in her. I really don’t know. Affection was more of a theme.
She asked what a girl can wear that makes a guy think she is sexy. And I told her the clothes aren’t the important part. I brought it back to femininity. She said she thinks a girl’s sexuality is “the main thing” a guy is into in a girl. I asked what she meant, and she clarified that it was about her body, how good she is in bed, if she can “give head,” etc. And that brought me to say something I’ve never said before…
I told her I don’t care if a girl has any experience at all. I told her I have had experiences (and I never said when these experiences were, keep that at a distance and vague) where I’m only interested in the chemistry of what a girl and I are like together. And that’s true. I used Deida’s line about “making art” in terms of sexual chemistry. I told her a good sexual experience isn’t about the orgasm so much as it makes me in awe of the experience… and that’s cheesy, but it’s also true. I was in awe of the Virgin as she squirted on my face, and then held onto me after (she was beautiful and desperate about it), catching her breath. That was fucking sexy, and I’m not sure much of it even made my cock hard. She liked that, but I wasn’t trying to sell her on anything as I said it.
I touched her a lot. Hand behind her, across the back of her chair, most of the date. I grabbed her arm for emphasis several times (her wrist, her bicep). I did little demonstrations of “masculine/feminine,” and in one, she really lit up. I was trying to show her how “as the masculine goes forward, the feminine goes back.” And I pushed it a tiny bit, hand in her hair, other hand firmly on her wrist. Watching and moving up to her “line.” I pushed it just far enough to make her eyes pop open. And they did pop. And she was into it. And even though this was at the level of an exercise, when she lit up, I got turned on. I told her that. I told her, “you just got turned on, and then I got turned on.” And it was true. I could see it in her eyes. She agreed.
Not bad for a dinner date.
That’s when I knew I liked her. We have some heat between us. And this is why I think dinner dates are great for me. I can get a lot of work done at dinner… as long as I’m side by side.
The thing I liked most about the night was the chance to charm another girl. It’s not getting old. Not even close.
And the thing I’m most proud of was the way I calibrated with her through the night and the chemistry I was able to build. The way I moved in and out of her space. The way I turned up the psychological pressure, and then backed off, depending on where she was at and how much I thought she could handle.
This ability to move in and out with a woman… it builds trust.
“…to be extremely respectful of another person’s ecosystem, and what they’re experiencing… and the second it goes negative in any way, shape or form, you backing off. You are always aware of where she is at. And by the way, that again, will make you so great at meeting women. Because they sense that you are aware of them. And because they sense you are aware of them, there is no downside.
— RSD Tyler, from Hotseat at Home
As I got home tonight, Tyler’s quote was on my mind. I think that’s what she and I were up to tonight. And I think that’s also what the girls in NYC saw in me, and why I had trust, even if I didn’t have sex. Believe me, I’d trade some trust for some skin, but the trust building is its own set of skills and will serve me.
And while I was trustworthy, I showed a good mix of masculine and romantic on this date. All that physical stuff. Knowing how to be “aware of where she is at.” Several sexual spikes. I’m increasingly well trained.
When they turned the lights up a bit (breaking the mood-lighting they normally have in this place) it was time to go. We’d been there for three hours. Eating slowly. Talking. After the food was cleared, she wasn’t going anywhere. She sat there very happy, leaning on the countertop, letting me warp the tentacles of my “Octopus Game” around her.
I said, “c’mon, let’s go,” and we walked out into the night. She made a comment about an early meeting the next day, which was cool… I really had no plans to push the date further. I was not the slightest bit eager.
In that sense, it was unusual for me. I had set the Cheesecake Trap, but I didn’t even think to offer it to her. I told her to call herself a car, and told her I’d wait until it picked her up.
And then… I was thinking about how to kiss her. And about Yohami’s ramp.
I typically just mug the girl with a kiss attempt. I don’t expect (or need) it to work (even though it often does). The kiss landing isn’t even the point… it’s just a type of communication. So she knows this is about sex. So she’s clear this is man to woman, and that if she sees me again, she can expect more of the same. But I didn’t do that this time.
I was thinking about the ramp… how to “pre-load” her in a such a way that the kiss landing was a guarantee. How to “spike her” so she was ready, and then escalate with the kiss. To “take her at the flood,” as Tyler would say.
I could have said, “I love your eye contact right now,” which probably would have worked as the spike, and then kissed her. I could have just slowed down, and said, “I had a great time with you,” and given her some intensity via my eyes, and moved in. I saw a moment, but someone else stumbled out of the restaurant and almost walked into us. It was a bit rushed… and her car showed up. She gave me a great hug and took off.
So this is one of the only dates in a long time where I didn’t say “c’mere” and try to plant one on her. But I don’t think I needed it. I think I got the sex across very well on the date. I think I looked very “chill” and leaned-back on this date, more than normal. If I get her out again, the stage is set.
She had a good time. So did I.
And I’m very glad to see myself looking for the ramp. Jesus, I’ve dated almost 20 girls since Yohami first introduced me to that concept. And I’m finally looking for it when it matters. Finally trying to level up away from using the kiss as a “statement” and getting to the point where I can make it hit the first time, with control. That will be a quantum leap for me. I’m looking for it. I haven’t made that happen in a situation like this, but all the pieces are on the table now. It’s only a matter of time before I put them together when it counts.
And she… isn’t the type of girl that I “specialize in.” She is more American than Chinese. She beautiful on the outside, but not super feminine as she flows. She is business-y. She’s a bit of an extrovert, when I’m much more into introverts.
And in some ways, she reminds me of the Wine Girl – she and I had what I thought was a very good date, but she wouldn’t see me again. And the sex-vibe and the bubble was stronger with Wine Girl, maybe too strong as I tried to kiss her several times that night. I was very surprised I couldn’t get her out, and I doubt myself a bit more than before because of that experience.
Maybe this experience with the Scorpion will also end up in a sting.
Or maybe I blew myself out with the fake boob comment.
I’m not sure what will happen. We never know. “Maybe” we’ll get together next week. She’s a hot little girl. It seems like I fit the smart, older man that she likes to date. She fits the young, tasty girl profile that makes a grey wolf like me hungry.
And it’s gift to run into another young, hot girl that likes older men. She is a type. I am a type. Sometimes types fit together. If not her, another of her type, perhaps.
My education continues.